Have you tried ... replacing the ethernet cable?

I have tested the cable (although with one of those cheaper cable testers, but it works for me), and I'm pretty damn sure it's working fine as it has for a really long time, but I suppose I could try it. I'll report back if/when I do that.

Have you tried ... using different ports?

I have indeed tried using different ports, and that doesn't change anything at all. They all give me the same error.